A Captain’s Dilemma

“Bobby, if we ever get married, are we going to be the first Caucasian-Oriental couple?” Kim asked humorously.

“No, I have seen a number of such mixed couples. In fact, a pilot friend of mine is married to a lady of oriental origin,” Bobby replied.

“Well, that’s comforting to know. You know, whenever we are together outside, the way people watch us makes me very uncomfortable.”

“Kim, you just have to learn to ignore how people look at us. To most, we are an odd combination. Then again, it is their thinking and you cannot control it. What is important is that, we should look at each other with love and compassion. And, that’s all that should matter to us,” Bobby tried to put things in proper perspective for Kim.

“I still don’t understand how you fell for me. You are perhaps one of the most flamboyant bachelors around. You are a successful commercial aviation captain, extremely handsome, never married and only 33. I see how other female aircraft crew members look at you. As compared, I am so ordinary. I am just an airline stewardess, previously married, with a two year old child. Of course, I am extremely happy that you fell for me. Honestly, I don’t care why or how,” Kim let Bobby know how she felt about him.

Kim, you don’t know how crazy I am about you. The first time you were introduced to me inside the aircraft, I immediately knew we had inter-life connections. Since then, I haven’t looked at another woman passionately. I keep thinking of you all the time. I even feel jealous of Crystal when she hugs and kisses you. And I know she is only two and that’s what she is supposed to be doing now. The point is, I am so crazy about you. The most wonderful thing about you is that you never hurt my feelings. I am one of those ultra-sensitive human beings and you have already figured that out. I know how difficult it is to be with someone that sensitive, but you have been dealing with my sensitivity with care and respect. You do not have a drop of venom in you. You are truly a gracious person. I am so grateful to be with you. I hope we never split.

“You really are a nut, Bobby. I can’t believe you would be jealous of a four year old. I am her entire world. She does not know anything else. Anyway, in a funny way, it is very sweet too. I am so grateful to God that you feel that way about me,” as she choked to speak and her cheeks were showered with tears.

I hate to see you cry, Kim. God has given you a wonderful smile and I want you to smile, all the time. When you smile, you look like an angel and I forget all my worries. I feel so guilty when you cry. I know it is difficult to smile all the time, but please do your best to keep your smiling face shining. Sometimes I feel I live to see your smiling face.

Bobby, I have noticed you fall for my smiles. As long as I have a smiling face, you are fine; or else your face goes down. You think you are ultra-sensitive and difficult, but I find you very easy to handle. All you expect are smiles and some soft and sweet words, even if they are all manufactured. I have seen you have an aversion for rude faces and unpleasant words. But you are basically so sweet and broad-hearted, so people would hate to be mean to you. I always thought it is easy to be mean to mean people. Case in point: you have mentioned so many times that nobody has ever cheated you. I bet even a real cheat at one point will feel bad to cheat you,” Kim tried to pamper him in her usual way.

Kim, it is amazing what a high opinion you have about me. I hope I am worth even a fraction of what you just articulated. By the way, I think of you the same way. You have a crystal clear heart and a pure mind, and that combination gets amply reflected in your transparent face and beautiful smile. In fact, you are as charming as a full-blown lotus. Of course, I should not underestimate the fact that you have an extremely attractive body, too.  

Bobby, once my grandfather told me that the real great people are very few and far between and they are always protected by God. We tend to confuse great people with successful people. In fact, most successful people are not great people. He also emphasized that ordinary people can never harm great people. People face terrible consequences when they try to harm great people. I have been working with you for a number of years and now we live together, so I know you very well. I consider you as one of those truly great people. With my own eyes I have seen how some people who tried to harm you got completely destroyed. If it is just a coincidence, it would have happened once, twice or thrice, but I have seen it happen time and again. In the process I feel I am also God’s one of the chosen ones, otherwise I would not have been involved with you. It is just God’s grace that we are together. On the other hand, I also remember how arrogant and selfish my ex was.

Kim, even mistakes are made in heaven. Then again, for the deserving folks, those mistakes are quickly corrected in heaven too. That is why, we are together today. Don’t feel bitter about your past; instead, thank the Lord for being so kind to us. I hope Crystal becomes equally fond of me, too. By the way, I am flying to Amsterdam this Saturday. Karen is on vacation. I need someone to fill in for her. Why don’t you fill in? I will put you in charge of the first class, so it won’t be too strenuous for you. As you know, Amsterdam is one of the greatest cities to shop for a quality diamond. We can check out some diamond rings for you for our engagement. Also, I know this great oriental restaurant on Amstel River. The food is awesome and the place is breathtakingly romantic. What do you say?

Bobby, that sounds terrific. Works very well for me because my mother is coming back from Taiwan on Friday, thus Crystal is going to be in good hands. I don’t like to leave her with my other relatives overnight. I do have a condition, though. You must not go overboard with my diamond ring. Since I went part-time, I make so little money; we have been living primarily off your income, so I don’t want you to burn too much money on my ring. It’s all a show, anyway. It does not contribute to our relationship. But I must thank you for thinking of me for this trip. This tells me how much you really love me. I am so fortunate!

Kim, you don’t know how excited I am about our trip to Amsterdam. We will be getting one whole day there. In fact, I would like for us to have lunch at this Indian place right at the heart of the city. Their food is authentic and the décor is just mesmerizing. You will love it. We can then walk to the diamond district which is a few short blocks away. After that, we will take a ride down to the Buddhist temple located right on the outskirts of the city. I would love to take you there; it is so serene yet so gorgeous that one can hardly describe the atmosphere in words.

Bobby, whenever I go around with you, you get so over-excited and go so overboard in your activities that I start to feel embarrassed. I am your future wife and please be normal with me. We are going to be together for a long, long time. If you start too fast, at one point you will run out of energy and lose interest in me. That’s the last thing I want.

Kim, you are not just my future wife; you are my wife from the past lives too. In other words, you are the wife for me. I told you we have inter-life connections. That’s the reason I am so obsessed with you. Remember, when we first met, how upset I would get when I used to see you talking to my friends. Sometimes I used to get so upset that I had to walk away from the scene. I could not simply stand there and watch you talking cheerfully with other men. I had a number of other girlfriends and I never felt that way about any one of them. In fact, after a while I enjoyed breaking off those relationships. I was a playboy. With you, it is very different. Our relationship is more divine.

Bobby, I completely agree with you. You must be seeing something in me that I have no knowledge of, or else a successful and extremely handsome person like you will not be so madly in love with me. There must be some divine intervention here. Again, I am profoundly grateful to God for that. To be with you for life, it is like a dream come true for me. By the way, I still remember those days when you would be so upset with me that you wouldn’t talk to me for days. When you were upset, you had a very funny way of chewing your lips. In the beginning, I didn’t expect that from a playboy, but one day when you started talking about inter-life connections, etc., it donned on me and I was able to decode your obsession for me. Now that you know I belong to you, you are quite normal. Now-a-days I can talk normally with your friends in your presence. I bet your friends have no clue you could behave so weirdly. They all think you are still a playboy and one day you would simply dump me and move on.

So Kim, when did you find out I had really fallen for you?

I am really surprised you forgot all this. From the very beginning of our friendship, I had a feeling you looked at me very differently from the other girls. You were more into hugging and kissing them, but I noticed you really never stared at them. You used to stare at me very passionately, as if you wanted to say something, but you felt somewhat ashamed to get the words out of your chest. One afternoon we saw each other in our office corridor. You walked straight up to me and said ‘Kim, you are the most beautiful woman on earth and I am madly in love with you; tell me what it will take to be with you’. I was completely overwhelmed by your approach and your words. I just couldn’t believe my ears. That was the beginning of our true relationship. Of course, after that your weird idiosyncrasies started showing up.

How did you handle my weird idiosyncrasies? I faintly remember a few such episodes here and there. I really admire your sharp mind. You figure things out so easily. How did you figure this one out?

Bobby, please don’t remind me of those nightmare days. Sometimes you would be so mad that, just to torture me, you would openly hug and kiss another girl in front of me and then walk away with her. I hope you didn’t do anything more than that with them. Someday we have to have a chat about that. Anyway, there were always some girls waiting to grab you. So it was never difficult for you to find one such willing girl. And, that used to make me really upset. I would come home and take it out on my poor mother. My mother was however very comforting. She realized it was about another man. One day she asked me to sequence the episodes and look for the common elements. In fact, that’s what I did and in the process I discovered three reasons that had routinely created the rift between us. First and foremost, you hated to see me chatting cheerfully with other good-looking guys; secondly, you disliked any rude approach and unpleasant questioning; and finally, you wanted me to go around with you whenever you asked me to. Once I was able to put the pieces together, I started confronting you. I kept bugging you to talk to me until I saw a real change in your face. I would then force you to have lunch or dinner with me. As we spent some time together, you would slowly return to your normal self. Again, I am the only one who knows how weird and obsessive you were back then. If I run some of these episodes by your old girlfriends, they would probably think I am just losing my mind.

Kim, I must say I became a much better person by being with you. Before, I was just a playboy. I did whatever I wanted to. I was not sure what I really wanted from my life. I guess I became somewhat more successful than most at an early age, but at heart I was quite unhappy and disoriented. Now I feel I am at peace with myself. Whenever I hold your hands and meditate together, I feel your positive energy passes through me and I am able to establish a connection with God. This is such a wonderful thing you taught me and I am so grateful to you for that. If I had learned this amazing connection to relate to God a long time ago, today I would be truly a better person the way you always think of me. You are simply a God-sent angel for me. And I hope I am right to dream we really have inter-life connections. I am so grateful to God to be with you. Anyway, how about a nice and quiet dinner tonight at Chinatown in Manhattan?

First off, thanks for the vote of confidence in me.  Secondly, we don’t need to go to an oriental restaurant every time. I know you are trying to please me and that’s really heart-warming, but every now and then we can have it your way too. You like spicy Indian food; why not an Indian restaurant in Manhattan or Little India in Queens?  An Indian girlfriend of mine once took me to this great restaurant called Nirvana. I thought I was really sitting inside a golden temple amid all these beautiful statues and idols. It was a fantastic experience. I know when we go to a restaurant, you care more about the experience than the actual food. Let’s go to this Indian place, please. Sometimes I feel you are trying to push our relationship to a point as if I am being worshipped.

Kim, my mission from God is to please you and make you the happiest person on earth. I feel I have to accomplish this earthly mission to serve God. I won’t stop until I achieve my mission. Okay, let’s go to this Indian place, but I want to stop by an Indian clothing store to buy you an ornamented traditional dress and some matching jewelry. My good Indian friend Rajesh is getting married and I want you to wear that dress for his wedding. You will look simply divine. They will be so happy to see you in their traditional attire there.

Bobby, you amaze me. I never expected that someone like you would be so crazy about me. And I know you really mean what you say. People think you are just a flamboyant playboy, but I know how saintly you are at heart. Of course, you never talk about your saintly side. You have already proven you are above all the earthly attributes of life like race, religion, origin, heritage, etc. You are Ivy League educated and come from a well-known family, whereas I hail from a very humble heritage. You bought this beautiful house just in my name, without a second thought. I did not have any money to put down. When I gave your tax papers to the bank officer, he only pointed out that during the last five years you have donated an average of thirty percent of your income to your favorite charities and the percentage has been graduating higher every year. You didn’t think it was even worth talking about. On the contrary, normal folks would have bragged about it to the world. Rich folks send out press releases when they donate to charities or make philanthropic contributions. When you ran for an office in pilots’ union, you showed your larger-than-life character by not making one negative remark about your opponent, despite being constantly labeled ‘playboy’, ‘crazy’ and ‘unreliable’ by the opponent camp from day one of the campaign. I have also noticed, when people admire you, you simply smile and walk away; whereas normal folks would eagerly wait to hear more. By the way, when you say all this wonderful things about me, I can hardly enjoy them; I just feel like crying. I keep wondering how gracious and merciful God is.

Kim, are we taking Crystal with us to the Indian place or arranging a babysitter? I think we take her with us. She has been coughing off and on, so she needs to be properly monitored too. I think she will have fun browsing through all the fancy Indian clothes, jewelry and toys there. She doesn’t need to eat spicy Indian foods; we can get her pizza.

Bobby, this is not a typical family restaurant. She will get cranky in a while and I will be nervous. I will rather drop her at my sister’s house. Actually Lee loves taking care of Crystal. I will be more comfortable that way too. I want you to have a good time. We haven’t gone out together for a while, anyway.

Kim, I know you will be thinking about her all the way and you will be miserable inside. It is not about me, it is about you. You don’t get to go out much. I want you to have a great time. We can always find another restaurant which is more family friendly. Listen to me, let’s take her. If you are miserable inside, I will be miserable inside and outside.

Bobby, that’s a beautiful outfit, but we cannot afford to spend that much money on it. Please, let’s not go overboard with it. How about we do it this way – you buy Crystal the costume she likes and we skip mine. My mother is coming back tomorrow, and I know she is going to bring quite a few colorful Chinese dresses for me. I can wear one of them to the wedding. In any case, I don’t want you spend six hundred dollars on this dress and some costume jewelry that I will wear only once. Our house is now costing us a fortune and we should be careful with all the unnecessary spending.

Crystal was happy to get a beautiful costume, but Bobby was very unhappy that Kim did not buy anything for herself. As they sat inside the restaurant, Bobby was truly captivated by the physical décor inside – the breath-taking beauty of the statues, the magnificently handcrafted chandeliers and the incredible mural on the dome. He thought the soft music behind enhanced the entire atmosphere to a serene Buddhist temple. The manager proudly explained to them the theme behind the décor and how all the decorative pieces were custom manufactured and imported from India, Nepal and Thailand. As they waited for their foods, Kim said to Bobby, “Although we grew up in the Christian faith, my grandfather was a devout Buddhist. He had a tremendous influence on my life. I loved the way he used to eulogize the great people and the good principles of life. On the heels of his teaching, I started reading more about Lord Buddha, his commandments and of course, the concept of nirvana. That is why I love the name and the setting of this restaurant. When I come to this restaurant, I feel I am in a sanctuary awaiting nirvana, however short-lived. My grandfather once told me, when a great man dies, he is carried by a band of angels in a chariot formed by his favorite stars while other living greats get to see his passage to the heaven. Bobby, when it is your turn, I have no doubt in my mind that the angels would wait for you with a chariot.

Kim, you have an amazing way with words. I don’t know whether I will be carried by angels in a chariot or by humans in an airless coffin, I however honestly hope my end comes before yours; without you, I am sure I will commit suicide. Anyway, getting back to the material world, tell me if you like our next summer vacation plan. Since you were so fond of your late grandfather and Lord Buddha, we will first visit the principal places of Buddhist pilgrimage in India, including the shrine of Bodh Gaya, the Seat of His Enlightenment; we will then explore China, including the raggedy mountain village your grandfather was from; and finally we will proceed to Taiwan to meet your folks. Time permitting, I like to take the awe-inspiring, high altitude train ride from China to Tibet, too.

Bobby, you always come back to the same point – your perennial endeavor to please me. We can do a few things for you, too. I looked at the list of charities you have been working with. They are all about saving the poor and neglected children. Instead of taking this elaborate vacation to please me and I doubt you personally get anything out of it other than having me around, let’s go to the poorest part of the world and spend some time helping them heal their wounds.

“Mommy, I can’t breathe. My chest hurts,” Crystal said to her mother as she labored to breathe.

Bobby immediately listened to Crystal’s lungs and noticed she was not only wheezing all over her chest, but she started having severe retractions in her lower rib cage as well. He realized it was not just a cold; rather she was coming down with an acute asthma attack. Considering the inherent life-threatening risk in juvenile asthma, he looked at Kim and said, “We need to take her to the emergency immediately. I think she is getting an asthma attack. As a kid, I used to suffer from asthma, so I know the symptoms. Let’s go.”

“Is Crystal going to be fine?” Kim enquired with a frightful voice.

“Crystal will be just fine. She needs a few breathing treatments. If they can break the wheezing, they will let her come home tonight, or else they have to admit her and monitor her overnight. These days there are many advanced treatments available for asthma which I did not have access to when I was a kid. By the way, she will feel better if you softly rub her chest and hug and kiss her. There is a children’s hospital right here on Queens Blvd. and we should be there in a few minutes. Just try to make her comfortable.”

After having administered a few breathing treatments and then evaluated Crystal, the attending physician decided to admit her. Kim was shocked to hear that they might keep Crystal there for four to five days. Bobby wanted to spend the night with them at the hospital, but the hospital rule allowed only one parent with the child. When he visited them in the morning, from Kim’s face he instantly realized she cried all night. He knew Kim would not be able to bear to see Crystal’s distressed breathing and the sight of the intravenous running on her little arms.

The morning physician also confirmed that Crystal was not out of the woods yet and she had to stay admitted for a few more days. Bobby also concurred with the physician and managed to convince Kim to keep Crystal at the hospital, “Crystal has to be here at least a couple of more days. She needs to be professionally evaluated several times a day and properly monitored by the attending nurse. If we take her home now, it can easily relapse to a more serious episode. As you know, the early detection is the key to manage juvenile asthma, and we will therefore keep a nebulizer at home which will help us avoid many trips to the emergency rooms. Your mother is also coming back this afternoon. Between Lee and your mother, you will have enough help. I couldn’t find a replacement pilot, so I have to fly tomorrow. I will rearrange your trip to Amsterdam whenever you want. Now you have to be with Crystal until she completely recovers.

As he was looking at the beautiful Amstel River from his favorite oriental restaurant in Amsterdam, Bobby felt very unhappy inside that Kim couldn’t be with him. He remembered they had made so many plans for this trip. He remembered how Kim’s face lit up when they talked about her diamond ring for their engagement. He knew it was not the idea of the diamond ring, but it was the thought of their engagement that made her so happy. Thinking of the ordeal Kim was still going through with Crystal’s first episode of asthma, he could not eat his food. He heard the alarm sound on his wrist watch, reminding him to return to the hotel to prepare for the flight back to New York. On his way back to the hotel, he stopped at a number of diamond jewelers to pick up their special brochures featuring the various engagement and wedding rings.

“Captain, hang in there. We are doing everything possible to get you out of the aircraft. The two fighter aircrafts on your either side are in constant communication with us and at the first opportune moment they will blow a hole through your cockpit roof and drop a parachute inside. As you can see, the fire has been rapidly spreading on both wings and the dark smoke is obstructing their vision. As soon as they are able to clear some smoke, they will act. Meanwhile, just hang in there a little longer and do not open the cockpit door,” George Baker, the US President, tried to comfort the captain via the JFK Airport communication tower. As the world was watching the burning aircraft, Captain Bob McNamee realized his aircraft would be blown off momentarily as it was getting dangerously close to the New York City shoreline. Nonetheless, the captain was happy to get everyone off the aircraft, including the six air marshals he had to accommodate at the last minute before the departure. He couldn’t however believe the irony of his fate, that he could not get to his parachute before the fire took over and the storage chamber collapsed. 

As the captain looked at the aircraft announcement speaker, he remembered how much he loved using it to communicate with his crew members and the passengers. He picked up the speaker and made his final announcement, “Ladies and gentlemen, you have reached your destination safely. Thank you for flying with Destiny. I feel heart-broken to announce that my earthly journey ends today and my eternal journey begins. Goodbye.”

“Miss, I believe you are waiting to be engaged to the captain. Do you want to talk to him?” the XNN reporter asked Kim.

“Bobby, please hang in there. They will get you out of this mess,” Kim broke down in tears as she tried to convey her message to Bobby from their hospital room.

“Crystal, do you want to say something to Bobby?” the reporter asked.

“Bobby, mommy is very upset and crying. You come home soon,” Crystal tried to send her message to Bobby, too.

“Do you like Bobby?” the reporter asked Crystal.

“I love Bobby. He is very good to me,” Crystal replied.

The reporter had to cut the interview short, as they were able to establish the two-way communication with the aircraft and could finally hear the captain’s voice.

Suddenly the world heard the voice from the captain, “Kim, whether I can get out of this aircraft or not, I will always love you. We are not just two lovers in this life; we are eternal lovers, going back to our earlier lives. Kim, you once told me, my final passage would be in a beautiful chariot formed by my favorite stars and carried by the angels. You are so right; I can see the chariot approaching my aircraft, it’s a chariot formed by my favorite morning stars and surrounded by a group of exquisite angels. Kim, every angel has just your face. Providence is perhaps telling us we will be reunited in heaven. I will wait for you there. Kim, I had to carry out my duty as a captain. A captain is not just the leader; a captain is also a hero, a star, a rescuer, a savior, and occasionally a martyr. Today, I had to accept martyrdom for my people. Kim, I would have given my life for you, too!”

Again, the communication was lost.

“Kim, how did you know morning stars are my favorite stars?”

“Kim, from your divine smile, I always knew you are an angel.”

“Kim, I would have given my life for you, too!”